The film begins with the doctor’s testing of his technology. Before the process of human brain transplantation can occur, he must first attempt the transplanting of larger and more intricate animal brains. Dr. Otto Frank uses one of his already created animal-human hybrids to carry out bodies from the local cemetary. We quickly discover that the old woman and the doctor are at odds over what’s more important: the science or the application of this technology. When Hetty March discovers that Otto Frank is becoming less cautious during his grave robbing, she has concerns over her dream of living forever being discovered by local authorities, whereas the doctor merely sees a hurdle he must leap over. However, Mrs. March is more concerned with the quality of the group of women she has chosen as her own stable of expendable human cattle.
Three women arrive in L.A. and are picked up by Mrs. March's lap dog of a boyfriend/companion/and for some reason the narrator describes him as a gigolo, Victor. These three women are all in line for what they believe to be a domestic position. The narrator describes the situation:
Three new bodies. Fresh, live, young bodies. No families or friends within thousands of miles, no one to ask embarrassing questions when they disappear. Victor wondered which one Mrs. March would pick. The little Mexican, the girl from Vienna, or the buxom blonde? Victor knew his pick, but he still felt uneasy, making love to an 80 year old woman in the body of a 20 year old girl; it's insanity!
This drive-in film is not pulling any punches in the objectification of women. As the women first arrived at the airport the camera even follows their gait from a close behind shot, with the score emphasizing their very important rhythmic movements. As the doctor makes his medical investigation of the women, Mrs. March quickly sends one of the women away for having a birth mark on her back. The blonde woman exclaims, “I have the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe,” giggling incessantly. She is quickly decided upon by Mrs. March over Nina, the Austrian girl. Nina and Anita are sent to their rooms, which are in the attic and the basement, respectively. Bea, our buxom blonde, is sent to her luxurious quarters and prepares herself for what she believes to be a life of servanthood.
That night, Anita meets her doom at the hands of the wolfman hybrid, the same one that helped Dr. Frank accomplish his grave robbing. Nina and Bea discuss the disappearance of Anita while polishing silver. Mrs. March quickly scolds Bea for abusing what she knows will soon be her very own hands. Bea’s British accent is awful, and definitely dubbed. I can barely stand to listen to it without thinking how terribly the directors of these films attempt to present different cultures.
Nina and Bea decide that something’s up and investigate the basement of the mansion. They hide while Dr. Frank passes by with his favorite cat, which the narrator informs us of for absolutely no reason. Soon the cat’s brain will be in the body of Anita. Why there is a progression from wolf to dog to cat brain is unapparent to me. It would seem to me that placing any animal brain inside the body of a human being is equally difficult, but the doctor insists that he is forwarding his research. While the doctor is working, a dog-brain girl makes her way out of the lab and into the rest of the house. Mrs. March searches for Bea, concerned that the two women are spending too much time together. She locks them into Bea’s room. Why do old people’s houses always have doors that lock from the outside?
Anita, now fully transplanted with the brain of the doctor’s favorite cat, eats a mouse in front of Mrs. March. She also is extremely friendly with the doctor, as his cat was. While dog-brain girl is out in the yard, Bea and Nina witness her getting attacked by the wolfman hybrid from their window. The doctor prods wolfman back to the house and chains him to a tree. After witnessing this, the group is certain that the women will have no plans to leave the house, else they get attacked. Unfortunately for them, Nina and Bea plan just that, with Bea attempting to seduce Victor and get his car. Victor hears the calling of Mrs. March, and runs off to see what she needs, while he leaves Bea in the garden. There she sees Anita, who scratches her from the top of the gazebo, clawing out Bea’s eyes. Nina then sees Anita on the roof of the house, and quickly runs up through the attic to reach the roof and talk to her. As they precariously walk across the edge of the roof, the wolfman spots them and becomes excited. He begins to yell as Anita begins climbing down the side of the house, only to lose her hold on the wall and fall to her death.
Nina walks into the basement to find Bea unconscious and prepped for the transplant. But now that she’s lost her eye, she is not the perfect woman to become Mrs. March. She has Anita try on some new clothes, and the narrator interjects,
Mrs. March had not realized her future body had such a satisfactory shape. Perhaps not as spectacular as the English girl but in excellent taste. She couldn't help being amused. The stupid girl was not only modeling Mrs. March's future wardrobe but Mrs. March's future body: so firm, so nicely round in places men like.
Soon Nina approaches Victor about the true wishes of Mrs. March. Having been spurned by the old crone, Victor decides to help Nina by murdering Mrs. March and allowing Nina, the real Nina, to inherit her fortune regardless. Mrs. March’s own paranoia has already gotten to her, and she decides to murder Victor before he’s able to do anything. Dr. Frank prepares Nina and Mrs. March for the brain transplant. While Mrs. March is undergoing her portion of the transplant he stirs Nina and asks her to stay with him and Bea in the house and use the funds so that he can continue his research in peace. Nina comes to the realization that the doctor has already completed the transplant, placing Mrs. March’s brain in the body of his cat. He begs Nina to see things his way, but after she seems reluctant, he realizes that he will need to turn her into one of his willing animal hybrid slaves. He enters the chamber to prepare for the transplant.
Mrs. March is quite the cat, and interacts with the controls while Dr. Frank is inside. Very soon the machine fries Dr. Frank, leaving only his skeleton. During the commotion, Nina is able to escape from the gurney she is strapped to and make an escape. During this time, Bea hears the noise and makes her way down to the basement, only to be electrocuted by some equipment. Nina escapes the house as it quakes from some kind of nuclear breakdown, and runs through the forest, while an angry black cat watches her go.
In the end, almost everyone’s dead, which is how a good exploitative science fiction film should end. The cat and Anita are the only ones to survive, and I am hopeful that Anita does find some kind of help, that she does find a home that needs true domestic help, instead of another spinster with murderous desires. I look forward to more of the drive-in trash in this series of films, and hope they will be just as sexy and confusing. And I wonder how any young man who may have taken these movies too seriously would be able to live without these sexy, confusing themes constantly in the back of his mind. I am of course thinking of George Lucas. There’s nothing more sexy and confusing than a brother and sister falling in love in a full-on space opera.
Rating: 2 Cat-brains out of 5
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