I particularly dread this entry. In fact, the first five minutes of this film are what pushed this entire project into hiatus, so dismal and boring they were (at least as far as I remember them). But now I feel that forging on is something I have to do. Like the scientists contained within films throughout history, I must ask myself, "But what if we can," and not merely state that "this endeavor is physically, chemically, and ethically impossible."
The biggest turn-off immediately presents itself as the lack of quality in the transfer. It looks like the film was transferred from a rubber band onto VHS, then somehow scraped onto a DVD. Everything visual about this film, from the color to the frames, makes me want to vomit. But let's get on to the action. The film begins with two men – one in turban, the other in khakis – swimming up towards a dock, and climbing on top to stick a knife in a guard. This allows them to acquire guns from a container, but before they can make off into the night, another guard in a safari hat approaches and scares off turban man. Safari Hat and the khaki swimmer throw down some fisticuffs and eventually Safari Hat gets knocked out. As the khaki man swims away, a narrator speaks (the khaki-wearing swimmer, himself), describing his trip from the guarded docks to the other side of the island, where he and his brother took a schooner that eventually stranded them on a reef. This quickly cuts to film of two men and a woman swimming with some sharks and fish – the woman carrying a knife, while more women in long boats approach the scene. The knife-wielding woman cuts through a shark like butter, then manages to grab the blonde brother. She and her friends eventually help both brothers into their boats. Apparently in the confusion another one of their colleagues has died (I am assuming the turban man, though I think they call him John.)
The leader of the women on the island, Queen Pua, (I am assuming that these women are the titular She-gods) tells them that they are not welcome and that they will depart on the first boat that comes from the main land. Christy and Lee Johnson are apparently brothers on a “freelance” marine biology mission and tell the leader such. The Island Company is apparently these women’s benefactor, and deals in pearls. After telling the men this, the leader goes and flies a red and yellow flag, sending message by semaphore, which for no reason is defined by Christy to his ignorant-of-semaphore brother Lee.
Apparently, Lee Johnson is on a quest to get somewhere, but blonde-haired Christy is the more level-headed of the brothers and tells him that he’s had just about enough of hearing about his quest. However, Christy does immediately take interest in the leader’s description of the Shark God who guards the opening of the reef.
After fishing to no success one afternoon, Lee and Christy are finally treated to some food, and some fine island dancing by the women on the island. This is of course all frowned upon by Pua, who continually cites how many company policies these two ne’er-do-wells must be in violation of. The savior of the men, named Mahia, has taken quite a liking to Christy, and when she places a lei around his neck, Pua runs out and yells about taboos, and pulls all the women away from the Johnson men. Apparently the fact that she saved the men when the shark god was angry (hungry) has put Pua into the ultimate piss-fit. Christy convinces Mahia that she was meant to save him – that the gods brought her to them the day she saved the Johnson brothers. They then kiss, and stroll through some beautiful island backdrops while Pua stares on. After Pua gives Christy some lip he decides that maybe he should get off the island with his brother Lee and the catamaran Lee just so happened to find hidden in some underbrush.
Unfortunately, Christy runs back to the village to say goodbye to Mahia, the ultimate mistake for any man in a black and white sci-fi film, and witnesses a creepy ceremony wherein the women of the island, led by Pua, ask for forgiveness from the shark gods. At this point the shark god, some spirits of the dead, Jesus Christ, and the Pearl Company itself are completely upset with Mahia and her people. No sign from these malevolent beings is given at the end of the forgiveness ceremony and Pua informs Mahia that the next day she and others will swim with the fishes, literally. The female sacrifices are brought out to the reef to be tied and drowned near the sharks, but not before Christy Johnson gets to them and saved Mahia from death, swimming her back to shore on a surfboard. Pua and her teams of catamaran rowers chase Christy back to the shore. Chris and Lee attend to her while Pua runs off to make some more flag-talk.
Pua eventually follows the men to their secret catamaran and realizes their intention of leaving and taking Mahia with them. Before Pua can keep Mahia hidden somewhere on the island, the men approach Pua and Mahia struggling in the grass. Mahia tells them that the boat is coming sooner than expected and that they must leave now. Lee begs Chris not to bring Mahia with them, saying that he is merely using her as an ace in the hole to escape. Lee then runs to the island’s pearl depository and makes off with a bag of pearls. They leave the island with Mahia and a tied up Pua. On the boat, Lee shows them that he merely took maps from the safe, and none of the pearls. At it gets dark they decide that their only chance is to land on the reef and wait until morning to continue. At this point, Lee’s dark past is brought up, as he is apparently wanted for killing a man while trying to smuggle those guns from the opening scene. His status as a criminal is what has had the two men nervous about the entire time. Lee swims back to the island from the reef to actually steal some pearls this time, but leaves one of the island women badly beaten. When he returns to Chris and Mahia on the reef he brags about stopping the woman and proceeds to get into a fist fight with his brother.
Lee gets away but is soon tailed by a shark, and while messing with his makeshift sail, he falls into the ocean, a precarious few yards from Tangaroa, the Shark God, himself. Mahia and Chris attempt to save Lee but to no avail. They swim back to the reef and sail off into the sunset, leaving Pua behind on the reef, only for her yelling to poor Mahia to go unheeded. Mahia tells Chris that they will finally leave the evil behind them.
This film stood out to me as one I will unfortunately find a lot of during my time watching these films – a “just bad” entry in the annals of science fiction history. I always hope for either a hidden gem or a “so bad it’s good” situation, but this film is actually too boring and regular to be either. The writing and story are solid – there are actual themes – Mahia and Chris are both up against evil in their lives to which they are innately tied. The existences of a pearl company as a malevolent force in Pua’s life, and the belief in the Shark God which is present in all the lives of the island women are interesting developments in the film that don’t seem to go anywhere. The film could explore these tropes, but if it did, it would be too long; the quality of the film itself being nearly aggravating and unwatchable. I hope that the next few films do not suffer from this same yellowed, unloved quality that immediately gives any viewer a head ache and the need for strong, strong alcohol.
Rating: 1
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